John and I met in November 2001. At the time that we met, we had made mental vows to ourselves that we would just be friends. I vowed never to date another police officer, divorcee, or a father. He vowed never to date a police dispatcher. We had both experienced way more drama than we wanted in our previous relationships and were not willing to experience any more. However, we soon became inseparable. Despite our “vows”, our souls were already connected. God had already made a divine intervention. Even though he worked 80 hours a week and I worked 60+ hours a week, we still found time to see each other and build a relationship.
Although we spoke a lot about getting married, we were both in agreement about not wanting children. John had 3 kids from his previous marriage. I, on the other hand, convinced myself that I did not want kids. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 27. My doctor informed me that my chances at getting pregnant were around 65% and the number would go down as I got older. When John and I met, I was 31 and had already prepared myself for not having children. I think I was just trying to protect my heart and not go through the pain of really wanting children and yet fearing that I would never get married and have that family that I dreamed of.
It came as quite a shock to John when, 4 months after our wedding in 2003, I told him that I wanted to have a baby. To say he was stunned is a major understatement. It was like I pulled the rug right out from underneath his feet. He was very understanding about hearing me out. We had multiple long discussions about it and in the end, made the decision to move forward with starting a family of our own.
We first had to overcome one major obstacle: John’s vasectomy. At the time of our very first discussion in late 2003, his vasectomy was 12 years old. As we learned quickly, insurance does not pay for a reversal. All fees came out of pocket! That meant that the next step was to research where and when to have the reversal. After much time and research we found a place in New Jersey and scheduled the reversal surgery for January 2007. Fortunately, the reversal surgery was a success! All we had to do was wait for him to heal and then start trying to get pregnant. By March 2008, we still were not pregnant and John had come to terms with us seeing a fertility specialist. It was during this time that we also started thinking about adoption. In the beginning, we were both adamant about NOT adopting. We never considered that our family would not be homegrown since he had children and I had experienced a miscarriage. At least I knew that I could get pregnant, right? Our first appointment was that April and after running several tests on both of us, the doctor could not give us a concrete reason as to why we were not getting pregnant.
We considered our home countries first: Italy and Bermuda, but soon learned that those countries were not options for us. I had started watching “Adoption Story” and saw many stories about adopting from Haiti. I initially did research into Haiti and one adoption agency in particular; however, when I tried to get information from them, there was not a lot of communication. I know that was God’s way of closing that door. We were not meant to adopt from Haiti. I kept watching “Adoption Story” and started seeing several stories where All God’s Children International was featured. I was intrigued. I would record the shows and John and I would watch them together. We were beginning to seriously consider international adoption at this point, but still wanted to try to get pregnant. So in May 2008, we started our artificial insemination treatments. We had already agreed that IVF was not a consideration for us based on the cost. By August I still was not pregnant and was having a hard time dealing with feeling like a failure, being very hard on myself for my body not working properly. Those months were met with a lot of tears, feelings of loss, helplessness and hopelessness. We decided that we would set an ending date to the treatments. There was no way that I could do these forever. So if I was not pregnant by December 2008, we would stop treatments and begin the adoption process.
During this same time period, God was getting us both interested in the country of Ethiopia without the other knowing about it. John is a runner, absolutely loves it. He receives 2 different running magazines a month and reads them cover to cover. Unbeknownst to me, he was reading several articles on Ethiopia, running in Ethiopia, and Ethiopian runners. He was totally intrigued. Also during this time, I was coming into contact with Ethiopians who would ask me if I was from the country. Or they would tell me that I looked like their cousin or sister from Ethiopia. It turns out I have very similar facial features as Ethiopians. It got me very interested in learning more about the country.
Back to our fertility treatments. One October morning, I woke up and I felt peace come over me. I felt so calm about our fertility situation. It was the first time I had felt that way since we got on the baby-making roller coaster. I decided that day that the next AI treatment would be the last; we would not go until December and I had no apprehension. John had no problem with my decision. He was just concerned that I was okay with the decision. At the next treatment, I informed my fertility doctor that that would be the last time I would see her: my husband and I are pursuing International Adoption. In November, we sent in our application for an Ethiopian adoption.
We are still hoping that God blesses us with a pregnancy. But we are not holding our breath over it either. We have learned valuable lessons through this adoption about faith, timing and God’s will. We are positive that God is with us, protecting us and protecting our little one in Ethiopia. And for that, He gets all the praise!
